Helpless
I felt extremly helpless at this moment... My laptop broke down, I reckon the problem is severe because it cannot be restart at all.Something that I'm very afraid of finally happened at some very wrong time. I got assignments due like real soon, QM2 assignment due on 29 March, ie like in 1 week plus time, Inventing Asian Traditions essay due on 2 April, and Chinese Politics essay due on 12 April. I freak out when all these dates appeared in my mind, seriously. I'm scared that I cant finish all these on time because of the laptop issue and everytime I think of the problem, I cant control myself but cry.
I know you may say me being such dependent, weak or whatever, but I just feel the helpless inside me. I'm very down now, I got no idea what to do in this "strange land, I dont know how to solve the problem, I dont know which computer shop should I trust and send my laptop to, I'm very frightened of not getting all my files in my laptop recovered, I'm also scared of my portable disk drive might got problem too, and the list goes on... I'm very afraid of all these and the fact that they may be true.
I still a shoulder for me to cry on now. How I wish my dad is still around, but it's just a wish, no matter how hard I wish, it may not come true. Why? Why it's me? I just dont understand... Sometimes when my friends mentioned that their dad dont allow this and that, I'll feel a bit uneasy, that's a kind of feeling that words cant describe... I want my dad to make decisions for me, to help me on everything that I cant solve, to scold me, to nag me or anything. But I just cant get that as he is gone.
I never express to others such feelings of mine before. I know inside me, I'm an introvert. I dont know if anyone were to read this, but I just feel very helpless now.
God if you exist, please give me some directions, guidance, please...
posted by Dan Xuan @ 11:40 PM
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